So my horney self is
super ghetto. I say things like; “Yur so fine. I could just. UUUUH. Summa Dat.”
I literally can’t describe my attraction to you in a way that is not “hoodish”.
I’ll name her Shaniqua because I’m terribly racist and can’t
think of a more offensive name.
Shaniqua says:
“You prime grade-A BEEF. You made
me wanna bite off a piece of you.
I sleep over and you ‘cuddle’ with
me but the way you touch me all night and I pretend to be asleep but you can
see right down my shirt and your lips are like a centimeter away and I just
want to grab your crotch and ooooooooooooooooooooooooh!
I wake up the next
morning tired and horney as shit.
You show. Shall I repeat? You show,
lets hope you grow. HOT DAYUM.
I come home and my roommate tells
me to go masturbate.
Like really? You’re confused?
I want. Your penis. Like fo realz.
So am I physically attracted to
you? HELLZ YES. I would hit that.”
But the more romantic me….which I will not give a good
protestant white girl name because that IS actually
racist says:
“I want
sweet kisses from you. You have nice soft lips. You make me feel like sprite;
zip, bubble, fizz, aaah! I love the way your beard feels. I love how warm you
are. I love how willing you are to give me a massage or just take my hands and
warm me up. I love how solid you feel. You make me feel safe. You’re like a
teddy bear. You have nice shoulders; they are sturdy and broad and sexy. I love
the way you smell, the smell of your hair and your stupid pesto chapstick. I
love that you carry chapstick. You like…. YOU CARRY CHAPSTICK. You have a nice
smile and kind eyes. I love that you will cook for me and treat me like a
princess. You pamper me. I love your kindness. You are the nicest person I
know. Sometimes I worry I will take advantage of that. You remind me to be a
good person. Because you are a good person."
This is my spice side and my nice side saying the same thing: "I like you.”
